See You Again
by Romantic Medievalist
Summary: AH, AU, Non-Canon. How does someone recover from the loss of a close friend, especially when that friend is more like a sibling? Everyone deals with grief in their own way, people say. Well, this story is about mine. Fandom for Mental Health donation piece; posted to commemorate Suicide Prevention Month.


**A/N: This was my donation piece for the Fandom for Mental Health compilation, and I'm posting it now in honor of Suicide Prevention Month. It is based on something that happened to me, and is dedicated to the best friend I've ever had. His was the most beautiful soul to ever walk this earth, last week marked the three-year anniversary of his death. Depression is a very real illness, and one that takes more lives each year than Breast Cancer. If you or someone you know is thinking about ending their life, please take it seriously. Reach out to someone at the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or through an online chat. Every life is precious, even your own.**

 **Warnings: Mentions of bullying, depression, and suicide**

Have you ever had one of those special moments when something so monumental happens to you that your mind takes a trip down memory lane, and you remember the long journey you've had to endure make it to that point?

Well this was one of those moments for me. As I stared at my iPhone screen, I read and re-read the acceptance email from my first choice graduate program; I think I was still in shock.

Things like this don't happen to people like me, people with no family or money. People who have had to struggle and fight for everything they've ever had. That's when the memories started…

I thought of every time my mom and I moved when I was growing up, which was a lot. I must have been to over 30 cities from the time I was seven until I was eighteen.

My mom and I lived in several different states across the U.S., and the places we lived included rooms, studios, apartments and houses when things were good, and shelters, churches, and cars when things were not so good.

I thought of all the kids who made my life a living hell in every elementary school I went to. It didn't seem to matter what city we went to, for I was branded a loser in every one of them. I was tall, fat, had a serious overbite, wore glasses, and because my birthday is in December, I had to wait another year to start school when I was little so I was a year older than the other kids.

Even before the bullying and teasing though, I was always really quiet, introverted, and shy. I've always been more into books than people, and I guess you could say books were my only friends. You see, before I was born I had an identical twin sister, Renee, but she didn't survive.

I wouldn't realize until I was in my early adult years that my feelings of intense loneliness and my natural introverted and antisocial tendencies were due to what some people call Womb Twin Survivor Syndrome. Some people mock it, saying it isn't really a 'thing,' but it is. It really is.

Thankfully, those terrible memories fade as my mind focuses on happier times, like my first Muse concert and the first time we went on vacation without having to worry about having enough money for rent and bills.

Then my mind brought to the surface one of my most precious and special memories, one that still brings tears to my eyes to this very day.

 _It was the week before classes started, and my mom had just dropped me off at the first social mixer for new Transfer students for the university I'd recently chosen to attend._

 _I told myself that things would be different here – I would be more outgoing, put myself out there and actually make friends for the first time ever. I'd even gotten there early, so I could maybe find someone to talk to before the crowd arrived. Well, things didn't exactly go according to plan._

 _Because I'd never had friends before, I wasn't good at the whole small talk thing. I summoned the courage to talk to a couple of people, but after a few minutes of conversation they lost interest in me and moved on. Eventually more people came, no one even looked at me, and I felt invisible again._

 _I wrapped my arms around myself, and walked over to sit down on a bench away from everyone; my shoulders were hunched, and I'd given up. Tears filled my eyes as the familiar thoughts entered my head…'who are you kidding? No one will ever stick around long enough to actually want to be friends with you. You're boring and ugly. You're such a waste of space – what a pity that Renee died instead of you…'_

 _Suddenly, a deep, concerned voice startled me out of my thoughts, "Hey, are you okay?" I flinched and looked up into the warmest brown eyes I'd ever seen, and managed a weak smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just having a not so good day is all." I tried to wipe my eyes discreetly, but his frown made me realize he'd still seen my tears._

" _We all have those, believe me. Hi, I'm Jared." He holds out his fist for me to 'bump', but me being the freak I am, I had no idea what to do. His smile begins to fall, and I panic, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be rude! I just don't know what to do!"_

 _Being treated so badly by others all my life, I was petrified that I'd hurt this guy's feelings. His smile returned, but his brow furrowed in confusion, "You've never fist-bumped someone before?" I looked down in shame and shook my head, but when I felt his hand squeeze my forearm, I looked back up at him._

 _A sad smile graced his face, and he showed me how to 'fist-bump.' I giggled as we did it, and his smile turned into a genuine one. He nodded his head towards the table with the food on it, "Let's go see if there's anything edible left, yeah?" I smiled and nodded, and we stood up and walked in that direction._

" _So, let's get the easy stuff out of the way. You already know my name, so that just leaves where I'm from and what my major is – which is Sacramento down in Cali and Sociology. What about you?" I swallow the lump in my throat and ignore the voice in my head telling me he'll think I'm stupid._

" _My name is Bella. Um, I'm from a small town in Ohio, and I'm majoring in English. I hope to add a minor in Professional Writing next year, though." He grinned, "Ah, so you're one of those smart, creative, bookworm types, huh?" I concentrate on putting a sandwich and some BBQ chips on my plate and I nod stiffly._

" _Hey, Bell?" I turn my head to look at him and I'm surprised to see his face look so sad, "I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I meant that as a compliment. I think that's a pretty awesome plan! Most people won't even plan that far ahead, or even have a plan at all."_

 _I smile at his words, "Oh. Do you really think so? Some people say it's just a waste of time and money."_

" _Yeah, I do. And don't let anyone put you or your dreams down. Everyone's here to do something with their life, and no one person's dream is better or worse than someone else's. Come on, I'll introduce you to some people."_

 _As I follow him, I can't help but look at him in awe and think that he must be an angel, sent from God to be my friend…_

I blink and shake my head to clear it as I hear a knock on my bedroom door. I set my phone down on my nightstand and wipe away my tears, the ones that always appear when I think of my dearest friend. _I miss him so much…I wish more than anything that I could share this news with him._

"Hey Izzy! Aren't you awake _yet_?" I roll my eyes and shake my head in exasperation. _Only Angela would be up this early on a Saturday._ "Yeah, Ang. Give me a few minutes to get dressed and I'll be right out. Can you feed London while you wait?" I get up and stretch before making my bed.

I walk over to my closet after checking the weather on my iPhone. _It's going to be another overcast day_ , I think with a grin. "Sure, no problem. I swear on my eternal love for Damon Salvatore that girl acts more dramatic than Katherine on her first day as a human in over 500 years when you feed her. One would think she hadn't been fed in days!"

I chuckle to myself as I walk into my bathroom as the queen of drama accused my cat of being dramatic. And again with the Vampire Diaries analogies…I swear that girl would watch it 24/7 if her body didn't demand such menial tasks as eating and sleeping.

Since I'm short on time, I use my dry shampoo and put on my makeup before returning to my room to get dressed. I grab my purple cameo necklace, since I'm wearing my favorite blue-and-purple floral shirt, and put it on as I stand in front of my full-size old-fashioned oak mirror.

As I fasten the clasp on my necklace, I give my appearance a once over. My hair looks full and clean, thanks to my dry shampoo, and my makeup covers up my rosacea and makes my complexion look even-toned. I paired my top with my favorite jeans, and my comfortable grey Sketchers.

I touch my cameo lightly and a small smile appears on my face. _I love you, sis. Today is a special day, and I need to feel you close to me. I wish you could really be here, even just for a day._ It's taken me a long time to accept the soul-deep loneliness and inability to connect with people that has plagued me for so long.

I thought I was the only one that felt that way, that I was a freak who lacked social skills. I didn't know that it was because the other half of me died the night I was born.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, and then open them and nod in approval of my appearance before grabbing my phone and purse before shutting my bedroom door.

I move to peek into London's room – yes, she has her own room – on my way to the living room, and cover my mouth to hold in my laughter. My baby girl is going to town on her breakfast. Not that this is a surprise. Like Ang implied earlier, my London does have a flair for the dramatic.

"Izzy! Come _on_! You can fawn over your little white angel _later_!" Speaking of dramatic… "Alright, alright. Geez, you make it sound as if Ian himself is at the restaurant waiting for us, instead of our boyfriends." I make it to the living room in time to see her gasp, "Don't even joke about something like that!"

In an overly-fake anguished tone, I tell her, "I am so dreadfully sorry, dearest. I forgot to whom I was speaking!" She glares at me and huffs, "I'm so telling Ben you were mocking me again. Not even Garrett can save you now."

I smirk as we head outside and I lock the apartment. I'm guessing she has forgotten that Ben has vowed his undying loyalty to me for introducing him to his idol, Jim Parsons. _He will never utter a harsh word against me, even for his beloved Angela_ , I think to myself while holding back a snicker.

As we enter the restaurant, I spot our guys before Ang does. Garrett is talking to Ben, and I guess Ben said something to make him laugh, because his smile is a mile wide. _That smile of his could light up even the darkest of rooms._ I nudge Angela and she squeals and makes a beeline for their table.

When I first met Angela, I swore she was either high on caffeine or Adderall. But as I got to know her, I learned that it's just her personality. Now I couldn't imagine my life without her. She was my rock during that dark time…I shake my head, refusing to sully my morning with such thoughts.

Garrett stands up as I reach the table, and brushes my hair out of my face and behind my ear, "There's my beautiful girl." I nearly swoon, as I always do when he treats me with such adoration and kindness. I never saw myself falling in love, not after what my dad did to my mom.

But in swooped Garrett like a breath of fresh air, and no amount of negative reception to his efforts would deter him. If I'm being honest, he'd stolen my heart the moment our eyes met. That Irish accent of his just made him that much more irresistible….

 _I was studying in the library, in my favorite spot on the eighth floor where the window overlooks the whole campus. "Hey Bella." I flinched, having been startled out of my thoughts. I turned around and smiled, "Hey Ang. Sorry, you scared me."_

 _Chuckling, she responded, "Yeah, I know how you are when you're studying. It was my fault. Anyway, I was studying with Alice and she offered me a ride home. She said her brother works here and he said he would pick her up since it's so late. I saw you and thought you might like one too."_

 _I nodded, "Yeah, that would be great, actually. I forgot my heel inserts this morning, so my feet are hurting pretty bad. A ride sounds like heaven!" Ang's eyes widen in concern, as she knows what the pain caused by my plantar fasciitis can be like for me. "Oh my God! Are you okay? Do you need to go to the ER?"_

" _Ang, slow down! No, nothing like that. I just need a date with my foot spa tonight while we watch the new Fast & the Furious movie at home. I'll be right as rain tomorrow." I put my books and laptop in my bag and I lean on her as we walk slowly (for my benefit) to the elevator and then outside, where Alice is waiting. _

_Waving she says, "Hi! I'm Alice! Angela's told me_ _ **so**_ _much about you! I feel like we're friends already!" Now I see why these two paired up. If it weren't for Angela's oriental features, I'd swear they were twins. A pang hits my chest at my careless use of the t-word, but I ignore it and smile at the girl, "Hi, I'm Bella."_

 _A horn honks twice, gaining our attention. I look in the direction it came from and freeze. 'Lots of people have Volvos, Bella. Chill out.' But as we get closer, and I see the all-too-familiar face of the driver, my stomach clenches uncomfortably and I see his eyes widen and his smile drop from his face._

 _As he can see the panic on my face, he shakes his head intently, probably hoping to show me that he had no idea I was his sister's study-buddy's roommate. I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing if he didn't know, then the girls didn't either. We get in the car, and as they chat about the assignment they're working on, I take out my Kindle to read._

 _I hear someone clear their throat, and it sounded too deep to be Alice or Angela, but I could tell it wasn't Edward's. Yes, that's right…Edward, the therapist I've been talking to over the last few months, was also Alice's older brother. 'Who knew Fate had a sense of humor?' I think with an eye roll._

 _Anyway, I look up to locate the source of the noise, and notice another man sitting shotgun. I guess in my inner freak-out I'd not noticed him, because otherwise I so would have…he was gorgeous! Shoulder length reddish-brown hair, piercing blue eyes, and a smirk that would make any woman melt at the sight of it._

" _Oh! How rude of me! I'm sorry, Bella. This is my brother, Edward, and his best friend, Garrett. Guys, this is Angela, my study partner, and her roommate, Bella." I look at Edward through the rearview mirror and he nods and smiles, so I smile in return._

 _Garrett, however, demands my attention, "My, my…a beautiful name for a beautiful lady." I look at him and blush under his gaze, as he's turned around to look at me. "Hi, and um, thanks." Edward thankfully starts the car then and drives us home. I return my attention to my Kindle and return to the book I was reading, "His Bonnie Bride."_

"Are you alright, love?" Garrett is staring at me in concern, and I smile to alleviate it, "Yes, babe, I'm fine. I was just remembering the night we met." He chuckles, nodding, "Aye, that was a night to be remembered, that's for sure."

As we sit down and join Ben and Ang, I furrow my brow and ask him why. He gives me that look, that are-you-seriously-asking-me-that-question look, and said, "Because that was the night I met the most beautiful, kind, and compassionate woman I've ever met."

I'm a huge fan of Brad Paisley, and in this one song of his, "Then," he talks about how he always thinks he can't love his girl any more than he already does, but then as time goes on he loves her more and more. That's precisely how I feel right now. I have more love for this man than anyone ought to be allowed.

After lunch, Ben agrees to take Ang shopping and then out to dinner as payment for not reading me the riot act for teasing her this morning. What did I say – the man will never say anything unkind to me, ever. I giggle at the thought.

Garrett and I spend the day walking along the beach, talking about how our weeks have been and discuss the vacation to Rome that we've been planning for weeks. A secret smile graces my face as I think of the special event I've planned to occur during this trip. It all depends on tonight's outcome.

It's almost sunset when he walks me to up my apartment. We share a sweet, loving kiss before making plans for dinner here tonight. With a grin and a squeal, I rush inside to get everything ready. I call my favorite restaurant to have our special dinner delivered – Garrett's the chef, not me.

I take a shower, put on my makeup, and dry my hair before straightening it and curling it out at the bottom. Then I go into my room, pulling my new purple sleeveless dress that I'd gotten at Forever 21 after work last night.

I put it on, smoothing out the wrinkles and stepping into my velvet purple pumps before looking in my mirror, making sure I look perfect. I lay my hand over my necklace, praying to God and my sister for strength, though I know I already have it.

I repeated the "I" statements in my head that Edward taught me as I start to feel the familiar feelings of self-doubt creep in. They really do help, as much as I didn't think they would. Edward was so kind to me, and though I know part of that is due to his profession, he just has a kind soul.

It was actually Angela who forced me to go to therapy. After Jared died, I withdrew into myself so completely, I was a total zombie. I did nothing except throw myself into my schoolwork and sit on my couch, staring at the carpet.

This man, the one who had brought me out of my shell, who understood my pain more than anyone, who was the first person besides my mom to actually give a damn…he was suffering more than I'd ever known. A few months after we met, he told me that he suffered from Depression.

"It started in high school," he'd said. His family wanted him to be a lawyer, like his dad, but he wanted to be a teacher. _His compassion for others would have helped so many children find a love for learning_ , I think to myself. But the more he tried to convince them of this, the sadder he became.

He didn't have a name for it until he started seeing a therapist in our college's Counseling Office. He was able to keep it from his family, but he said having friends who supported him is what helped the most. We bonded so much that year, and he taught me how to open up to people.

I loved him like a brother, since my own wanted nothing to do with me simply because I existed. The day I found out he died, through Facebook no less, it destroyed me. I just sat there on my bed, staring at my computer screen, not believing what I was seeing.

But when I texted and called him with no reply, I knew it was true. He never ignored my calls. His parents said he had 'taken his own life,' and I hated them for it. They had taken his life long before this. They refused to let him follow his own dreams, and in trying to conform to their expectations of him, he'd lost himself in the process.

Angela ran into my bedroom, tears streaming down her face. _She knew._ That's when it happened. I cracked. The sobs ripped from my chest, and she ran to my bed and held me as they overtook me.

Then eventually they stopped, and in a way, so did I. I didn't feel anything anymore…not sadness, or grief, or pain. It was all gone and in its place was a numbness I welcomed. It lasted until Ang had enough, and shook me out of it, telling me he wouldn't have wanted me to live this way.

She'd taken to calling him J, because hearing his name was like punching a hole in my chest. I nodded weakly, and went to the college's Counseling Office. Edward was the therapist assigned to me, and though I didn't know what to say at first, eventually everything came tumbling out.

I told him about my dad, who'd walked out on my mom and me, my tumultuous childhood, my lack of social skills, Renee, and finally my wonderful friendship with J and my reaction to his loss. He never once judged me or told me I was being childish or too dramatic, he just accepted me as I was.

I will always be grateful to him for that. That, and also for Garrett. Just thinking his name put a huge smile on my face. That man was the answer to all the prayers I'd never allowed myself to utter. I was a woman blessed, and I knew it.

The doorbell rang, and I rushed to answer it, being careful to not trip along the way. I took the bags from the delivery lady, and tipped her before putting the meals on my best china and setting the table and lighting the candles. I then ran into London's room to feed her before shutting her door.

Just as I was pouring the wine, the doorbell rang again, and this time butterflies exploded in my stomach. I was beyond nervous; this night would change my life, one way or the other.

I opened the door, and my breath left my body. How hot he looks in jeans and a t-shirt is nothing compared to the well-dressed sexy man that stands before me now. _How did I get so lucky?_

I open the door wider, and he comes in, kissing my cheek as he enters. "You look absolutely stunning, lovely." He sees the food on the table, "You cooked? Is this to be my last supper, then?" I roll my eyes and slap his chest as he enjoys a laugh at my expense.

"No, I didn't. I ordered in for us. Tonight is special," His brow furrows as he spots the wine. "Wine? But you don't drink. A special night, you say?" His eyes start to panic, probably thinking he's forgotten our anniversary or something, so I'm quick to put him at ease.

"You're right, I don't. But this is something I've been planning for a while, and don't worry, babe. You haven't forgotten an important date or anything." I chuckle my way through that last sentence, and then laugh at his audible sigh of relief.

We sit down and eat the delicious chicken fettucine alfredo dinner complete with garlic bread and Zeppoli for dessert. I take a deep breath and take his hand into my own then, looking into his kind, loving blue eyes.

I tell him how much I love him, how much he means to me, how grateful I am that he saw the grief-stricken woman hiding behind the book-loving girl I masqueraded as, how he makes me feel confident and important and loved. And then I ask him to spend the rest of his life with me.

Yes, I know it's the guy's job to propose, but this is the 21st Century, for Heavens' sake! Tears are falling from both our eyes as I finish my speech, and he raises a hand to wipe my tears and cup my cheek.

In a shaky tone, he gives me his answer. "Aye, my love. I would be most honored to accept your hand in marriage. I would be the most blessed man alive to have you as my wife." I choke out a happy sob and we both stand and he clutches me to him as I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.

He was so surprised that our wedding would take place in a mere two weeks in a romantic chapel in Verona. Yes, the trip to Rome was our wedding, honeymoon, and vacation all in one.

I was the luckiest and blessed of women, and without having the kindness of my friends, Edward's help, and Garrett's friendship and love, I wouldn't have become the woman I am today. Somehow, I know that Jared sent him to me.

Two weeks later…

I smile as tears fill my eyes as I stand on the balcony of our hotel room in Verona lookup up at the starry night sky, thankful that my friend was still looking after me. I miss him more than words, and always will, but his soul is at peace now, and I have my husband now.

As I finish the thought, my husband wraps his arms around me, and I am content at last, knowing that I am happy, and that I will see my dear friend again one day. That makes me think of the song I'd heard at the end of that Fast and the Furious movie I'd watched with Ang so long ago.

 _It's been a long day without you, my friend_

 _And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again_

 _We've come a long way from where we began_

 _Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again_

 _When I see you again_

 **A/N: I hope you've enjoyed this story, which is dedicated to my most dear and beloved friend. His loss still devastates me to this day. He was my first real friend, my brother in all but blood, and the world is a little darker without his smile now. I hope that his soul is at peace, and that he is in Heaven doing what he loved most, bringing joy and happiness to others. It's never too early or late to seek help, and there is no shame in it. Always know that no matter what, you are accepted and loved, just as you are.**


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